I decided it was ok for girls to tell guys they liked them

Alright, so I've told 3 guys in my whole life that I liked them.

1.  Jon

Jon was in my college circle of friends. He was cute, funny, smoked pot yet could still have deep and involved conversations  (while I generally sat back and contemplated my inability to speak and my wonderment at the small group talking about Hume or Nietzsche).  He was a philosophy major, no surprise. He was laid back but not a total hippie type of character, very New England I guess. You know, the type who wears Berks, tries to rap when totally drunk and high, will never live in a city but is hardly just stone out in the field smelling the flowers.  He was adorable. I couldn't talk to him much because I flat out felt dumb around him.  So I resorted to just try to look as cute as possible.

I found out from my best friend that he watched rap videos and totally liked brown girls. Perfect.

One little problem:  I had tripped on acid a year or two before that and hooked up with his current roommate/best friend, Alex.  He was so hot. Cute face, hard hard body but not disgustingly ripped. Why do inexperienced people try stupid stuff?  I gave him a blow job then we 69'ed. It was bad. It actually turned me off having a guy go down on me, that was the first time. From then on I thought, what's the point of having a tongue just go up and down there?  He just didn't know what he was doing at all.

Bigger problem:  While I liked Jon, and while he and his roommate lived together, we all got drunk and high. I went home and Alex called me, he wanted to come over. I was kind of mad that Jon didn't seem interested, I was drunk, I was high. I said ok.  We made out then I started to. Give him a hand job. (Big caveat here: I had been with a guy before who for some reason, most likely due to his own violent masturbatory habits, liked for me to jerk him off rather roughly) OK- so I'm doing my thing, when out of nowhere Alex shrinks back. I stop and he pulls away from me even more. He goes on to touch it and check it out, then says "you broke it.". I almost died. I asked what the hell. He says "there's blood."  I freak, he gets up and goes home.  To this day I don't know if he told anyone about that night, but he probably warned his friends (including Jon) about the Dick Breaker.

Yet another little problem:  he never even flirted with me. I was just another girl.  Maybe this was a big problem.

Alright, so I got the courage to tell him how I felt. He said nothing. My friends told me how ballsy I was. The end.